Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
