There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize