Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
