LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
