Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
