Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
