i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
