She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
