Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
