i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
