i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
