Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
