the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
