She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
