We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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