My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
