The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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