I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
