Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
