Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
