I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
