No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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