terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
