Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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