I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
