She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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