vagina is talking i cant
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
