I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
