omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
