I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize