Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
