Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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