For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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