I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
