There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
