so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
