omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I still have a little drunk in my system
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
