if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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