We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
