i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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