My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
