Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
