and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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