Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
