Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
