I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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