Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
