i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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