Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I can't put those talents on a resume
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
