Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
