yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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