If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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