Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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