how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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