And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
